Here's a story about Jack and Dianne and a bunch of their friends who thought they could play in band. In America's heartland. Doin' the best they can. You get the idea.


 
A flashcrash of lightning thunder. Scorched ozone drives jittery creatures away from the blackened splotch of earth. Smoke mingles with ground fog and swirls away in curls and tufts from the damp ground. Through the brooding, morning gloom and grey mist of the Scottish highlands eight figures appear, naked, with suits slung over their shoulders and instruments in hand. This is how 3 Minute Hero was formed.
 
Well. Kind of...
 
Actually we met at school. How boring. How cliche. Every band meets that way. I'll give you the whole truth, just know that everything in brackets [ ] is a total lie. Let's test this out: Sammy Hagar envies me. [I envy Sammy Hagar]. Get it? Good. [Enjoy.]
 
Twas Autumn of 1995 Anno Domini when Jay Kalk [straight out of a disastrous affair with Blair of TV's Facts of Life] and Steve Blondo decided to revamp the erstwhile ska band, 3 Minute Hero. Jay enlisted the help of lifelong friend [,snake handler] and bass player Jason Hoffman to anchor the band. Jason in turn rounded up drummer/thespian [/lute craftsman] Joe Papke. Jeff Nelson, a flighty remnant of the old band was contacted [five minutes prior to killing three civilians, wounding four] to fill one of the two trombone spots [and to provide the band with fruit pies]. Underground Midwestern ska [and ballroom-dancing] legend Jeff Lenz assumed the other bone position. Sax [and condor-nursing] duties were performed [they say] by none other than Aaron "Zorro" Romaine [and four sticky-bun wielding firefighters]. Bryce Blilie committed his big trumpet sound to the good of the band [and consequently, to all of America]. A gap in the bands' sound was filled when Luke Helm finally climbed aboard as keyboardist [and as a slightly deformed manifestation of Vishnu].
 
This was the opening line-up when 3 Minute Hero first took the stage December 10, 1995 at Moorhead State University's Ballroom [and again on he 11th before a sold-out audience at Como Zoo's python exhibit]. Following a dreadful financial aid mishap [and run-in with hired thugs], Mr. Romaine was forced to exit the band [due to broken fingers]. Greg "Daddy" Dewhirst [fresh out of the Vienna Boys' Choir] stomped into the end slot with grace. Mr. Blondo left the band [citing creative differences.] His absence triggered [an all-encompassing band melancholia, as well as] a gaping [glazed bismark] hole in the lead singer position which was filled immediately by [the sticky sweet jelly of] Herrs Nelson and Kalk. Mr. Lenz abandoned us in [a stinky warehouse in] order to [model hi-cut, colored Hanes briefs and to] tour with his original band [,the James Hetfield 5]. As a result, Steve Wallavand, the Siegfried AND Roy of [the NASCAR circuit and] the trombone world, joined us [voluntarily]. Steve's addition in the Spring of 1996 [convinced us there was no where to go but up, but also] solidified the band as it appears today [with the exception of Peter Cetera and a wounded monkey.] There it is: 3Minute Hero history primer. Lying is fun.
 
 
 
Long Thingy About 3MH - What we do
 
3 Minute Hero is a deliriously fun, horn-driven octet known for its insane live shows; solid originals (catchier than head lice); and its uncanny ability to whip any crowd into a sweaty, dancing frenzy. That's all true but it sounds so distant considering I'm a part of the band. We are a band that demands your attention and we will not relent until you've forgotten all about paper deadlines, punching in at 8 AM, or where you're going to get rent for next month. We pride ourselves on delivering a dangerously high energy show that completely fulfills any reason anyone would leave their house to see us. How do we do this? In any case, music is always first.
 
3MH blends a slew of bizarre (but tasty) influences with its ska-influenced foundation resulting in a fun signature sound that has cross-over appeal yet stands quite alone. With eight guys contributing to core song ideas it's easy to find elements of mambo, Dixieland, march, salsa, disco, jazz, classical, blues, mariachi, funk, reggae, R&B, and surf all intricately (and sometimes blatantly) weaved into the fabric of our live show or our debut CD bingo. The instrumentation careens headfirst into our distinctive vocal styles and pleasantly jarring lyrics for a listening experience not soon to be forgiven or forgotten.
 
Vertigo-inducing stage action is another element of 3MH. When one sees eight guys in suits it usually means one is in for a dreadfully boring power lunch, a mafia execution or 3 Minute Hero. We sincerely hope you run into the latter. At the end of every show we have to wring out our ties we bounce around so much. If we move, the audience moves. It helps for them to know that they can't look as ridiculous as we do. I'm positive that we're providing some sort of psychological defense mechanism by doing that but it does get people squirrely.
 
What else makes up the 3 Minute Hero experience? Free Stuff. Every night is audience appreciation night. How can this change your life? Ask Denise Hegel who walked away from a recent show with an industrial sized tub of pork & beans. Ask the winner of our makeover contest. Ask anybody who attended "processed cheese cube grand give away" night. They will all say that 3MH makes strides to change the lives of of its fans for the better -- though Denise would probably tell you that she now despises pork & beans.
 
Above everything else stands a few basic facts:
 

3 Minute Hero is a show. 3 Minute Hero will make you move. 3 Minute Hero will have you singing everywhere. 3 Minute Hero will turn your knees to jelly and your mind to squash.

 

- Jeff Nelson

 


"3 Minute Hero will quite possibly cause a urinary tract infection"

 

-Hall of Fame kicker Jan Stenerud

 

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