Jeff Nelson

 

Name: Jeffrey R. Nelson

Weapon: Bach Strad 36 Trombone / Microphone / Eye lazers

Experience: none.

Previous Musical Organizations: Lead vocalist for the Alsace-Lorraine Mime Choir

Musical Influences: Danny Elfman, Tito Puente, Lenny Kravitz, Preservation Jazz Band, Elvis (Costello & Presley), Tom Waits, Rimsky-Korsakov, Dick Dale, Parliament Funkadelic, ABBA, BeeGees, G Love, Duke Ellington, Rebirth Brass Band &, of course . . . James Brown.

Nature of 3MH affiliation: Scientists at 3MH Laboritories made me petry dish by petry dish.

Ideal Future/Career: Undisputed Emperor of the World.

Origins: I was born on the river Seine in 1973. I was raised by a wealthy eight track merchant and his wife who sent me off to America with bright hopes for my future. Once in America I fell in with a bad group of tea drinking, quaalude popping, art critics. It was then I realized that I longed for the serene Midwest where art critics have day jobs and even dirty hands sometimes. Stealing cell phones from yuppies provided me with enough income to buy a new family in my adopted country. I settled on the outskirts of Minneapolis until I was sent away to Fargo for I crime I did not commit.

Mode of Transportation: Rickshaw/1987 gray Honda Civic which hasn't had a muffler since August. How many brain cells have I murdered because I won't go to Midas? Billions. I don't remember anything before 1989 and I can't associate colors to foods.

Brush with fame: I almost peed on Walter Mondale. This happened just last week.

Things I like to put in my coffee: Bailey's, E&J Cask and Cream, Kahlua, pufferfish.

Latest book: Serpent and the Rainbow by Wade Davis -- it's about voodoo, need I say anything else?

Personal Miscellaneous Garbage: As nervous as I am about the new Blues Brothers movie, I'm going to go see it. The spirit of John will hopefully live on. If any of you readers know anyone who is selling a good used accordian let me know. I am not kidding. I've been listening to a lot of Ween lately -- if you've got wads of twenty dollar bills lying around your house (like me) pick up a handful and go buy Pure Guava, it's funnier than hell. The head has spoken.

 

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