bingo

Hero in the studio...

It was seven weeks in the making but they were fun weeks back there in the early wintery days of 1997. Hey, who needs sleep, jobs, term papers, student teaching recommendations, and a personal life anyway?

 

 

photos

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Sure, it's fun and we're full of energy at first...

 

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Laying down tracks takes all our concentration...

 

Taking a break...

 

The Happy Producers!

sound clips & lyrics

Geeks on Bikes
music and lyrics: Nelson

fat man slouched over the bench laughs at my transportation

every time i drive by him he fills with jubilation

he's laughing at my tires he's laughing at my horn

and the cards in my spokes

if i had time i'd tell him my story so he knows i'm not a hoax

 

like this:

 

my car is shot it hasn't moved an inch since 1995

so my friends and i did not have much you could

call a social life

we got sick of walking, sick of hitching, sick of taking hikes

so we didn't buy a car or a minivan--we all bought bikes

 

geeks on bikes, geeks on bikes (ad nauseum)

 

i'm up at dawn to call my friends to relay the day's big plans

& before you know it our helmets are on

our gloves are on our hands

we drive down main to the dairy queen--always in single file

and the fun piles up behind us yeah--mile after mile

 

[chorus]

 

i always drive my bike safely with mirrors

and when it's dirty i wash it with tears

 

(Steve with the bone solo, Bryce on trumpet,

Pablo Casals on bike bell)

Parking Lot
music: Kalk ...lyrics: Nelson

invite your friends invite your coworkers

invite vets and coast guard deserters

invite the haves and the have-nots

now's the time to take stock in what we got

 

click n click n clack goes the train on the track

we got to get them all here before we hit the sack

everybody's bothered--everybody's hot

got a party in the parking lot

 

we got a soiree

we've got a wing ding

we've got a party

we've got a reason to sing

 

nicholas the second and elvis presley too

have a barbra streisand drag queen with a fu manchu

andy rooney's smokin up in a shack

while sonny and cher are making out in back

 

mr. furley says "too loud-get them out!"

but this is what a party's supposed to be about

we've got to mosey somewhere before the party's shot

got a party in the parking lot

 

[chorus]

 

we've got 6 pack party favors

cocktail weenies in a dozen flavors

kegs in the front yard--dancing in the back

i'll take a parking lot to any old love shack

 

now there's just a few of us--and the garbage

got nothing to eat except some mustard in the fridge

everybody's passed out there's hardly a sound

except the drunken shriner who's still dancing around

 

my sister left with the band around three a.m.

i've got a migraine from my eyes to my brain stem

hope our guests liked it, hope they liked lots

gotta party in the parking lot

 

(Daddy Dewhirst - sax solo/hygiene cop)

charlie had a mission

charlie had a quest

charlie had a question that stumped the very best

how do I get a girl close enough to me

to make her mine perpetually?

charlie never got an answer that he used

but due his results he should be excused

 

charlie had a mission

charlie had a dream

charlie had ambition like you have never seen

charlie had one driving goal in his life

to get a woman close enough to him to make her his wife

he had plenty of shots at the opposite sex

but he always uttered a pessimistic hex

 

wrong time wrong place

wrong person wrong clothes

and to top it off you got a funny nose

 

charlie hung at bookstores

charlie hung at bars

he could make a book for his emotional scars

charlie thought that he had reached the end of his rope

when a leggy blonde masqueraded by as hope

charlie staked his life in this...his last attempt

he strutted up beside her and grumbled "ahem!"

 

[chorus]

 

charlie got a girl

charlie got a gal

charlie was a squirrel she was his peanut pal

they did everything together both day and night

and despite cohabitation they rarely had a fight

but charlie's dame was a camaro who soon became a hearse

that's when charlie uttered the familiar curse

 

[chorus]

 

(Jeff - bone solo/cough drops)

Sno Cone of Luv
music and lyrics: Nelson

just me and my dear old madre

walkin through the state fair on a dusty day

snortin cotton candy and pointin out the freaks

that are strollin up and down the garbage-strewn midway

we secretly laugh at the black toothed man

ho works at the booth where you throw the balls

for the cheap stuffed animals god i feel like i could win them all

 

(sno cone of love)

(get your tickets and stand in line for the sno cone of love)

corn dogs mingled with dust and sweat make

a horrid taste but i can't get enough

the recipe makes me hallucinate my own sno cone of love

 

you see it for a second then it's gone (sno cone of love)

your vision quest is mowing the lawn (sno cone of love)

i don't think that you understand

that when it's your time, watch carefully (sno cone of love)

 

the vision came with the force of a thousand horses--

steeds of rage and might

while others watched ponies swirling til they died

in that cloudy moonless night

the churning lights of the ferris wheel will blind the wise

and confound the fools

but i saw the light, i felt the love--their eyes were murky pools

 

my day at the dusty state fair

left me with some questions and some memories

vague recollections of what i ate

and the endless march of petting zoo ponies

i secretly laugh at the black toothed man

whose eyes were clear and focused above

at the rotating lights above my foggy head

was it his own sno cone of love?

 

you see it for a second then it's gone (sno cone of love)

your vision quest is mowing the lawn (sno cone of love)

i don't think you understand

that when it's your time, watch carefully

(right this way for the sno cone of love)

 

(featuring Joe on drums and

Jay as Odin/Zeus/Yahweh/ - pick one)

eat the tangerine

eat the tangerine

eat the tangerine

...it will treat you well

when i was young i used to read the funny papers and i'd

eat my tangerine and

when i was done i'd be rolling on the floor laughing at the

funny things that i had seen but

there was one strip yeah it filled me full of hatred and i

think you know you know what i mean

it was the circle at the bottom with those circle headed kids by

that yellow bellied mother scratcher--bil keane

that's why i...

 

[chorus]

 

used to have a job-nothing special it paid five twenty-five

every so often a customer'd walk in

just to remind me that I was alive

but then one day my boss said, "jeff grab a chair"-

he said "i'm gonna have to take you take you aside"

well the dirty bastard fired me but lucky for him

i had my tangerine to keep me from homicide

that's why i...

 

[chorus]

 

(Jeff - intro & outro, Steve - bone solo)

last saturday night the gang was hangin out

only two dollars to our name

thin black tie and polished shoooes

we were out playing the game

 

jeff pointed out the lass in the dress

said, "she was the one to be had"

all the guys were talkin about her

said, "man she looked bad in plaid"

 

rude girl, met her at dance hall party

dancing, swinging round everybody

rude girl, watching her steal the show

walked up, said hello, asked her to dance and she said, "let's go"

 

she hopped it up and she stepped it down

must've been the best rude girl in town

the band was hot but she kept her cool

made the other dancers look like fools

 

joe and luke were talkin jive in the back

the horns were doing their thing.

but jay was doing double takes and watching that rude girl swing

 

one o'clock came and the dance was done

the band was ready to hit the town

i searched round and round the club

but rude girl was nowhere to be found

 

rude girl, haven't seen her since the dance last week

i began wondering, what's the future for her and me

rude girls, a pack of them walking by

at a glance, a new one caught my eye

 

[chorus]

 

(Steve - bone solo)

food on the table

got a brand new car

you're willing--and able

to make a lifetime scar

 

got two point two five daughters

can't remember their middle names

the days fly by like a long cold winter

pretty soon they look all the same

 

grey slacks, grey shirt, grey tie

grey all around

livin in a corporate shanty town

 

life is like cable

but you only watch CNN

if this sounds like a modern fable

then it's time for the story to end

 

flip around and find another station

channel after channel--boredom is rife

when you hear the message crackle through

"i've never done a thing i've wanted in my life."

 

[chorus]

 

when you're out doing whatcha gotta do

wifey's at home yellin

"honey honey honey honey"

and when you come home

wifey is blue from screaming her demands for

"money money money money"

deep down it's time for a change

but habits and love are hard things to break

when the two are braided into one your vision is strange

so do you stick with what you know for sanity's sake?

 

[chorus]

 

(Luke on keys and organ, Jeff on bone)

girls at the bus stop

girls in the back seat

girls all around me

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

 

girls in the classroom

girls in the hallway

girls all around me

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

is it because of my ugly suit?

is it because of my smelly car?

is it because of my lame t-bone?

is it because of this lame guitar?

 

girls in my volkswagen

girls in my charger

girls all around me

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

 

girls in the quik-e-mart

girls at the 7-11

girls all around me

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

 

i think it's because of my drinking gut

is it because of my so-called pecs?

is it because i'm stuck in a rut?

is it because of my buddy holly specs?

 

[Jay's anti-skat diatribe]

 

girls in the kitchen

girls in my pantry

girls all around me

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

 

girls in my bedroom

girls in my closet

girls in bed with me?

but none of them

none of them

talk to me

 

i think it's because of my ugly suit

i think it is my smelly car

i think it's because of my lame t-bone

i think it is this crappy guitar

 

(Daddy Dewhirst - sax solo)

the ska is a dance

que nosotros bailamos

que decemo mos tragles

con tu amor

con tu amor

yo bailaré

 

(Nellie - bone solo)

disclaimer: liner-note boy here takes no responsibility for Spanish spelling (or meaning)

single-wide, double-wide

up on bricks

single-wide, double-wide

in the sticks

single-wide, double-wide

built a kennel

single-wide, double-wide

for my pit bull

single-wide, double-wide

i'm a winner

single-wide, double-wide

tv dinner

single-wide, double-wide

got no life

single-wide, double-wide

my mother is my wife

 

trailer park

 

(cool hand Luke on death korg solo,

Jeff on eructation and pop can)

it's where we like to dine

because the food's just fine

it's the best place in town

to fill up then get down

 

the chinese restaurant is where we have sung

the worthy praises of mao tse tung

the chinese restaurant is where we like to dine

all that you can eat for $3.69

 

got a big bowl of beef chow mien

so hot it fries my brain

gotta git me some more

burns my soul to the core

 

be an opulent pagoda or a sleazy strip mall

the chinese restaurant is our great wall

we'd like to tell you where it is--our place to eat but it's a

c-h-i-n-e-s-e-s-e-c-r-e-t

 

[insert your own witty ad-lib conversation here]

 

we couldn't tell you much about tianenman square

but we've tried the egg foo yung (a feat few have dared)

the chinese restaurant is where we like to dine

all that you can eat for $3.69

 

(featuring Jay Ernesto Kalk as guitar player and ornery waiter)

soundcheck was the very first time that i saw her dancing

in the front row

she had arms and legs--not gills or fins like something

you'd find in a fishy bowl

[grunt] i started hoping [snort] i started wishing [squeal]

i started hoping that i'd get my wish

but as the night went on she just got more ugly

i'm falling for another big fish at the soundcheck

 

soundcheck was done and so was the show and the

girl in question

she was ready to go

she said a "hey baby hey baby hey baby hey" do you

want to stay here or ya wanna blow?

screw my first impressions and my best intentions,

i went forth with no apprehension

drank a lot of beer, moved on without fear;

i changed my mind as well as my direction--after soundcheck

 

(Jeff on intro bone, Steve with bone solo,

Mighty Luke on kozmikarmakarnalexplosionorgan)

silverfish are swimming in and out of my walls

my heat is out--you don't return my calls

the snow is drifted up--i can't get my mail

my faith in mankind is beginning to fail...

 

...kind of like my washer and my dryer

the latter of which sets my clothes on fire

evil, evil man--i'm under your spell

but everybody knows you're the landlord from hell

 

i can't believe the things that you're doing to me

i can't believe the rotten things you've done to me

 

my windows don't close and my sinks don't drain

on a sunny day my roof can't keep out the rain

find a buyer and i'm ready to sell

but i'll be sure to tell the suckers you're a landlord from hell

 

[chorus]

 

the floor is buckled, the furnace belches smoke

when i turn on the faucet i'm sure to get soaked

the outlets aren't grounded, i always get a shock

upwards around fourteen hundred kilowatts

i pay my bills and nothing gets done

you're a sadomasochist who thinks it's fun

you're an evil man, you ain't norman fell

that's why landlord i'll see you in hell

 

(Bryce - trumpet solo/matador duties)

 

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Want more? Check out 3 Minute Hero's second CD, everyday ninjas!

 

Now you, too, can own the mighty releases by 3 Minute Hero on Barking Dog Records. Available at record stores throughout the Midwest, by mail through the order form, and by secure online ordering at Indisonic.

 

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For booking information contact:
Gary Bitzer
Bitzer Entertainment Agency
218-236-0620

 

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